The d20 DIEt

Will Kahn-Greene — Wed, 01 Jun 2005 19:01:44 GMT

I figured I'd join the diet fad and present my 100%-satisfaction-guaranteed best-results-ever fad diet. I hope to make a million dollars selling copious amounts of totally non-relevant diet materials and possibly confusing people in regards to the basics of nutrition using highly ambiguous terms and gross misrepresentations of how things work. I will then give those million dollars over to various charities and studies seeking to help people fix their confidence, self-image, and alleviate the ill-effects psychological or otherwise of obesity.

This diet is a little different since it's not really a diet but rather a DIEt. See, it's the d20 DIEt. It's better than sliced bread. You'll lose the weight you should be losing rather than the weight you think you want to lose.

This weblog entry summarizes the diet rather than goes into long-form. I'm saving that for my soon-to-be-best-selling book about the DIEt.

step 1: figure out what character class you are

You start by figuring out what character class you want to be. Pick up a Player's Handbook v.3.0 or v.3.5 and pick your favorite character class. The class you choose affects how aggressive you are about your DIEt. Classes that have initally poor Will saves will be less aggressive than classes that have hefty Will saves. Everyone starts at level 1 of their chosen character class.

step 2: how it works

Everyone is allowed to eat three meals a day consisting of an appropriate amount of appropriate food sans dessert, chips, appetizers and such. They make will checks for everything else with the following DCs:

what	DC
between-meal snack	10
after-dinner snack	15
dessert	15
chips/appetizers	15

If you miss your Will check (i.e. you can't help yourself), then you get to eat the thing mentioned. If you make your Will check (i.e. your will prevails), then you don't eat it. Period.

You don't get to make multiple Will checks for the same thing. If you make your Will check for dessert, then you don't get to have dessert. You don't get to make a Will check for a brownie and another for a cookie and another for jello... ad infinitum.

Everyone starts their DIEt on a Sunday morning. Every sunday, you go up a level. Check the Player's Handbook to see what your new Will value is.

Over time, you'll reach such a high level that you'll be making all your Will checks and then you won't be eating anything.

As with all diets, you have to be serious and not screw around thus deceiving yourself into lapsing.

The effective part of this diet is that it's a roll of the dice so you don't have to dictate your own fate.

advanced rules

You can try subclassing, dual-classing or whatever provided that you strictly follow character class rules in the Player's Handbook.

You can have someone else roll the dice for you.

You can use one of those dice-rolling programs available on a Palm Pilot or other handheld device.

thanks and such

I'd like to thank my D&D mates and my co-worker for helping to revise the DIEt to its current form. I hope they in turn make a million dollars for their kindness.

Will's Blog (Posts about stuff)

The d20 DIEt